How my Baby changed my life: Embracing the uncertainty

toddler forrest baby changed life uncertainty I was reading Vicki from Honestmum’s recent post “Pregnant Then Screwed’s March of the Mummies”. And, it really struck a chord with me. I feel so strongly about working and raising my baby. It’s only really since becoming a mum myself that I’ve become aware of the issue of cultural and institutional discrimination against mothers.

I want to share my story, because there are many women who might be going through the same thing. It took some time to heal and finding the courage to share my experience of cultural and institutional discrimination that I suffered after I returned from my maternity leave.

Having a baby has both brought me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I went from being an in-control person to wiping poop and neverending food or other stains on my clothes.

My mum always said to me: “You can have a career. Or you can have a baby”.

But really, I have come to realise that you do need both to be fulfilled. One, to me, goes hand in hand with the other.

A few weeks into my mat leave, my work told me that my job was being made redundant. My whole world came down crumbling. I was so shocked. It was hard enough going through the recovery after birth and living life with a little baby without having to worry about my job.

The uncertainty of the whole situation was the most upsetting part. When was it going to happen and where would I go after this. The harsh reality for me was how quickly I was forgotten in the office after I left. The thought of not being able to provide for my daughter sent me down the route of post natal anxiety.

The baby had changed me.

I didn’t look the same, I didn’t feel the same, and soon enough I wouldn’t have a job to come back to. When I ultimately returned to work, I spent the time I had left looking for a new job.

I scrambled what was left of my baby brain together, put my smart clothes on and on the outside I was a professional. On the inside, I was crumbling.

4 months later, I accepted a job offer for all the wrong reasons. People there had no love lost for mothers. And, quickly I realised that I had taken this position not from a place of love, but from a place of fear.

I was unhappy, as I only saw my daughter half an hour before she had to go to bed every day. The new job wasn’t what I expected. But, the thought of my family and my new baby gave me the strength to persevere. I wanted my daughter to know the value of hard work. I wanted to be a role model for her. Women can be mums AND have a career.

It was my daughter who gave me the strength to let go.

After a particularly difficult meeting, I decided it was time to embrace the uncertainty. In that moment, I thanked my employer for everything and I made the decision to walk away.

All these months wondering if I was still the same person, if I still had the grit. Could I still prove that I can do it.

In the end, the love for my baby daughter is what saved me from myself. I had let myself go down a path of destruction and I put an end to it. Walking away from my “career job” was the best thing I ever did. I embraced the uncertainty that had cause me so much anxiety the past months. I started writing – something I always wanted to do but never thought I was brave enough.

Now, my life has changed for the better. I no longer am shaking with anxiety, I no longer forget to eat and I started sleeping through the night again. Do I want another career job? Maybe, who knows. At this point, I am embracing the uncertainty.

I wanted to share my story to tell other women that this decision wasn’t easy. I want to show my daughter that sometimes, being strong means to walk away. It took some courage from other blogging mums, like my friend Suzy from Our Bucket List Lives to realise that I’m not alone in this.

We CAN be mums AND have a fulfilling career.

Discrimination against mothers is never ok. And, we need to keep this conversation going.

Did you ever have to make a difficult decision in your career or your life? What helped you decide? Comment below or tweet me

Vicky xx

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Mum Muddling Through


  1. November 9, 2017 / 1:52 pm

    This is so well written and sadly something you should not have had to go through. I commend you greatly for talking about something that we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about. Thanks for the mention. It’s why us bloggers blog.

    • Victoria November 9, 2017 / 2:19 pm

      Thank you Suzy. Can you believe it that for a long time I thought there must be something wrong with me? It’s important that maternity discrimination doesn’t go unnoticed. Thanks for all your kind words and support. xx

  2. November 9, 2017 / 2:09 pm

    Oh i really do believe we can have it all, i think things were so different a few years ago but now i think anything is possible and there should be help there to make it easier too!

    • Victoria November 9, 2017 / 2:24 pm

      Thank you Deborah. xx

  3. November 9, 2017 / 2:44 pm

    Really interesting read. I must have been so unsettling to know they were making your role redundant while on maternity leave

    • Victoria November 9, 2017 / 2:56 pm

      It’s being in the unknown that’s scary. Thank you for commenting x

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thanks Jon, I appreciate the support x

  4. November 9, 2017 / 3:08 pm

    It can be really tough to be fulfilled in all areas of your life after becoming a mum but this is really encouraging to those mums who may be feeling it’s all too difficult.

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:49 am

      That’s true. thank you for your kind words. x

  5. November 9, 2017 / 6:24 pm

    I combined the two, when I became a mother, I registered as a child minder and made some much needed money whilst looking after my own children #coolmumclub@_karendennis

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thats amazing! Well done. I’ll look into combining the 2 🙂 xx

  6. November 9, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    Wow, so much of this echos true to me. I also was made redundant from my ‘proper job’ and was devastated. Three years later I’m still at home, and plan to do so until my youngest is at school, perhaps beyond, and am loving exploring the possibilities of being my own boss – whilst being there for my kids.
    Thanks so much for linking to #coolmumclub

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:48 am

      Hi Sarah, wow, I had no idea you went through this too. I might have to pick your brain sometime about that being your own boss thing. Thank you for the encouraging words. xx

  7. November 9, 2017 / 9:21 pm

    I am so sorry you had to go through this. I cannot imagine the feelings of helplessness especially from losing your job! I’m glad you’ve worked through it and published your thoughts to help other mums!

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:42 am

      Thank you Ivanna for commenting. I am so glad I can share my story. We need to raise more awareness of maternity discrimination x

  8. November 9, 2017 / 10:15 pm

    I was made redundant when I was pregnant with our middle child, it ended up being the best thing for me but it certainly didn’t feel that way at the time! Life with children will always be a juggle, it’s so worth it though!
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    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:41 am

      There are certainly days where it doesn’t feel like it, I agree. But we are moving forward one day at a time. Thank your commenting x

  9. November 9, 2017 / 11:22 pm

    I think it can be so hard to juggle everything as a mother but it’s just about doing what’s best for us and our babies. Babies do change everything!

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:40 am

      They really do. But we need to put our wellbeing first. Thank you for commenting x

  10. Kaitlyn Napier
    November 10, 2017 / 1:30 am

    Thank you so much for sharing, your post impacted me a lot! I have always strived and worked for my “dream career.” Even though i don’t have it right now, doesn’t mean i ever want to stop chasing that. But i understand sometimes, jumping into the unknown – which may be quitting a job – is necessary for your happiness or sanity.

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:40 am

      Kaitlyn, your comment means so much, thank you. Never stop learning and never stop reaching higher. It’s a hard journey, I’m still muddling through it. I’m so happy I can touch someone else’s life. Thank you x

  11. November 10, 2017 / 8:46 am

    Such an empowering post. I hate that mothers’ choices are taken from them as not everyone wants to change career or work digitally. It’s been a gift for me. I hope we reach equality in the workforce and soon x

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:37 am

      I agree. It’s easy to put the blame on ourselves. It was through influencers like you that I realised I am not alone in this. This is why I write. Blogging can be so powerful when it connects likeminded women. Thank you for all your kind words Vicki xx

  12. November 10, 2017 / 9:00 am

    I totally get this I went back to work after three months at the helm of my own business and felt the same. Eventually I managed to extract myself because I was so unhappy. Fast forward to today and I have turned blogging into a profitable and rewarding career. But there are so many mum’s struggling with trying to find the right way forward for them, this much I know.

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:35 am

      Talya, you are an inspiration. I hope to live off my writing at some point in the future, too. That would be my dream. Putting our happiness first. Thanks for commenting xx

  13. November 10, 2017 / 9:33 am

    I gave up my career in an investment bank to raise my children as they could not accommodate flexible working for me. I worked in an area that required either a 4am start or an 11pm finish so it wasn’t really condusive with childcare
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    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:34 am

      Amazing isn’t it? or should i better say shocking. It took me a while to realise that I wasn’t alone in this. This is why we blog and keep the conversation fresh. thanks for your support x

  14. Trendi Simon
    November 10, 2017 / 10:55 am

    Amazing post Fabulous Mummy, your story is inspiring and liberating because it’s your authentic self really comes out. Good luck with the whatever you choose to do in the future. Trendi Simon 😊

    • Victoria November 10, 2017 / 11:33 am

      Thank you Simon, I appreciate all your support. x

  15. November 10, 2017 / 12:18 pm

    When my boss found out I was pregnant, they tried to fire me. Then demoted me and gave all my clients to a man, who didn’t understand the client and messed up a deal that would have run smoothly had I been allowed to keep my clients. I was then constantly ridiculed and shouted out in front of all my colleagues regularly. I then went on maternity leave and got sent my P45 while on maternity leave. Absolutely disgusting and unfortunately not uncommon.

  16. November 10, 2017 / 3:17 pm

    I love this post because it resonates with me. I am embracing the uncertainty of my online job too. It puts food on the table.

  17. November 10, 2017 / 5:22 pm

    This is absolutely great, I really needed to read this as It all sounds so familiar to what I am going through!

  18. November 10, 2017 / 6:44 pm

    So sorry you lost your job 🙁 Having children is such a big change and commitment but worth all the stress for the lovely moments of pure joy x

  19. November 14, 2017 / 6:14 pm

    Sorry to read that you faced discrimination. It seems to be happening all too often in the world of the workplace! #coolmumclub

  20. November 16, 2017 / 6:35 pm

    I respect the individual decisions and I think an healthy society should allow parents (men and women) to be stay-at-home carers if they wish to.
    It’s important to address the issue when discrimination is systematic. If your employer didn’t have adequate policies for parents, it was on them, not on you. And that’s not okay.
    Thanks for sharing xx

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