I am back at work. It’s my second week in the office. To say it has been awful would be an understatement. I have caught the infamous mum guilt! I miss my little girl. I’m trying to adjust to life back in the office, but my mind keeps wandering to my little baby daughter. I wonder what she might be doing at this moment in time.
Have I made the right choice to go back to work?
Don’t get me wrong, when we pick her up from nursery, she is always smiling. She’s having the time of her life, playing with all her new little friends. But you can’t stop and wonder sometimes if you’ve made the right choice going back to work. On the surface, anyone would be jumping at the opportunity to have a career and a ‘good’ job.
Though, I do ask myself sometimes whether I’m missing out. Then the guilt overcomes me and I really just miss spending time with my baby.
Timing is everything
I make the most of the short time that we have together. It makes you more present in the moment, as I know I only get half an hour with her before it’s time to start her bed time routine. Rather than punishing myself, I really have been trying to evaluate what is important right now. Mummy might not be around all day every day, but when I am, I make sure I am present in the moment with my daughter.
I’ve written in my last post that rather than trying to do everything and be everywhere at once, I’m saying no to the things that don’t make me happy. I have discovered that you can be unavailable for a few hours in the day and do the things that really matter.
When you change your outlook, it’s funny how going for a walk or taking the baby to the playground can really make you happy. I never understood the saying ‘time is of the essence’, until I realised how little time you have as a new mummy. Time flies when you are not present and you don’t make a conscious effort to use your time wisely.
What I found helps me is creating short cuts where ever possible, whether it’s making some freezer meals or trying to go to the gym on my lunch break. The more I cut down on travelling or phaffing around the house, the more actual time I can spend doing the things I love.
Don’t get me wrong, some days my life still feels stressful and chaotic, I find myself doing everything ‘on the go’ from applying mascara on the bus to eating my breakfast stood up.
My little family is my Zen haven and my nemesis at the same time when it comes to striking a balance between being a professional, being a mum and just being myself. This week at the office I have asked myself repeatedly if I was still the same professional who left this office 10 months ago. Sometimes I’m scared of not being good enough anymore.
However, I need to put trust in myself that while I may not be shiny haired super organised Vicky anymore, I can become Vicky 2.0 parent/friend/partner/businesswoman.
Rather than going into a million directions and spreading myself too thin, I can start to focus on a few things and do them really well.
Tonight, this will be having an extra fun bath time and splashing with the little squirty animals that Lila adores.
How do you find your balance? Comment below or take it to Twitter!